Yes, that is Rick James becoming the Incredible Hulk. I’ll let that sink in for a second.

That picture has a purpose: I feel that, much like the writers of that comic and usual-Hulk Bruce Banner, I have simply run out of new directions to take this blog in. Maybe I’d rather just sit back and enjoy the matches this season, rather than reporting on them. Maybe I think there are better and more punctual music critics out there as well. Mostly I just think I need a new outlet, and so after a year of near-constant production, A Pint of the Black Stuff Barkeep will be on indefinite hiatus. It might make a return – maybe – I’m not closing any doors yet. I hope that it’s been enjoyable for those of you who take the time every now and then to stop and take a look – thank you for all your support and feedback over these twelve months.

A very brief summary of the season thus far: the Blue Jays have a promising starting rotation and lead the leagues with 175 home runs, but cannot translate their young, talented squad into consistent form just yet and sit well out of first place in the American League East.

Ah yes, what a weekend. It started off innocuously enough on Friday night as the second-placed Tampa Bay Rays flew into town. They sat less than 2 games back of the division-leading New York Yankees and victories over the Jays this weekend could see them take first place as the Yankees took on the Boston Red Sox in the Bronx. Friday night wound up being something of a pitching duel between the Jays’ Brett Cecil and Rays’ Matt Garza (who threw the club’s first no-hitter earlier this season). It was a tight game marred by a pair of errors by the Rays, one of which allowed Toronto to tie the game at 1-1 in the 3rd inning. Lyle Overbay doubled in the 7th to drive home Jose Bautista, who had reached base due to Ben Zobrist’s clumsy bobble earlier in the inning, and the Jays held on for a 2-1 victory. The victory was much needed and deserved, but was fairly unremarkable, unlike the rest of the weekend to come.

9 will also be a number to keep in mind.

Brad Mills started Saturday’s game in place of the injured Jesse Litsch, facing off against Tampa’s James Shields. Pitching was not to be the story of the day – we found out what that would be in the 2nd inning, when J.P. Arencibia, the Jays’ catching prospect making his Major League debut, stepped into the batter’s box for the first time. The first pitch he saw was cranked high over the right field wall, and the debutant had his first major league home run (a 2-run shot) in his first major league at bat. Aaron Hill, Adam Lind and Edwin Encarnacion would add to the Blue Jays’ lead in the 3rd, each with a solo shot of their own. In total, the Blue Jays would hit 8 home runs Saturday afternoon, with Lyle Overbay smacking one out, Jose Bautista crushing his league-leading 34th, and both Aaron Hill and Arencibia blasting one more apiece. Arencibia had a debut for the history books, as besides his two homers he smacked a double into right field and a single up the centre, going 4/5 on the day and receiving a standing ovation from the crowd during every at bat. The Jays would survive a shaky 9th inning and go on to win it 17-11 in one of the most memorable afternoons Rogers Centre has hosted in many a year. The crowd, which included Arencibia’s mother, was ecstatic and many stayed to watch as the rookie’s post-game interview was interrupted by shaving cream pies and coolers of gatorade. Standing by the 3rd base dugout, I was one of many who couldn’t suppress a grin as I watched the kid get his reward for one hell of a debut.

But as the more astute of you will point out, the weekend was not yet over. We still had the final game of the series – sweep on the line – to play and it was Brandon Morrow who would be taking the mound against Andy Sonnanstine, pitching in place of the injured Jeff Niemann. The Jays went ahead in the 1st inning when a bloop single from Vernon Wells sent home Yunel Escobar to give them a 1-0 lead. Amazingly, that would be all that Brandon Morrow needed. The 26 year-old absolutely dominated the Rays line-up, striking out all three batters he faced in the first and retiring all but one until an error from Lyle Overbay let another Ray touch the bag in the 7th inning. At that point it was clear what was happening – the kid was pitching a no-no. The team knew it, and you could see the determination in their play – Wells was forced from the game after racing back to make a catch at the warning track and dislocating his toe in the process. Molina and Cito ganged up on home plate umpire Jeff Kellogg, who asserted that Ben Zobrist had been hit by a pitch. The umpires huddled to review the play – he hadn’t been hit – and Zobrist flied out just seconds later. With well over 100 pitches thrown and 16 strike outs, Brandon Morrow took his no-no into the top of the 9th inning. Bartlett flied out. Zobrist walked. Crawford lined out. With 1 out left to make, Evan Longoria stepped up to the plate, battling. His groundball base hit was out of Aaron Hill’s range, but he made a diving lunge – the ball deflected off the edge of his glove. Morrow’s no hitter, and only the second in Blue Jays history, went up in smoke. Cito came out; not to pull the kid, but to make sure he was ready to get the final out, while Zobrist the tying run hovered at 3rd. Dan Johnson stepped up to the plate, but like all the Rays save one yesterday afternoon, he was no match for our Morrow – he struck out swinging.

Morrow’s complete game, 137-pitch, 17 K 1-hitter was undoubtedly the best Blue Jays pitching performance of the year. He dominated with a devastating fastball and a nasty slider, needing a third pitch (curveball) only twice. We swept the Rays emphatically, just days after taking 2/3 from the Yankees and with Boston coming into town tomorrow. Could this be the turning point for this ball club? Well, probably not – but it is a high point, and one which we should savour. Let me wrap this up by stating the obvious:

1. Obviously, a 1-hitter is not the same as a no-hitter.
2. Obviously, Jays fans couldn’t care less right now (well, at least this Jays fan).
3. Obviously, Aaron Hill is going to feel like shit right now (obviously, he shouldn’t).
4. Obviously, this kid is going to be a hell of a talent.
5. Obviously, Seattle are kicking themselves right now (how’s Brandon League working out for ya?).

it’s a wonderful thing when a band hits their stride. the negative aspects of their craftsmanship seem to drain away, like pus from a lanced boil – except that instead of being left with an ugly wound we’re often left with a song or an album that just seems to work. such is the case with the Arcade Fire’s third studio album, The Suburbs. it is without the anxiety and heavy-handed political commentary which weighed down Neon Bible – it is far from sounding contrived or plodding, as its predecessor sometimes did. I don’t want to dwell too much on the differences between The Suburbs and the band’s earlier efforts; this is after all a review and I’ve no interest in tackling comparative essays until September. suffice it to say that where its precursors seemed to drag or plod, The Suburbs does not. it simply works.

It simply works and it works because it is simple. Or at least, simpler. Win Butler & Co. have dialed back the grandiosity, foregoing their anthems of paranoia and foreboding for songs that slip by and go down a little more smoothly. Of course, this also means that the songs are on the whole less anthemic in nature; there is no clear-cut successor to Intervention, Rebellion (Lies) or Wake Up to be found on The Suburbs. Instead there is a tightly-woven album of songs which seem less to grip you and drag you along than roll by like cars on nighttime streets, windows down and familiar arms waving. To say it is simple is misleading, because it is not as though this is an album of 2-3 minute pop cuts with catchy choruses – it is an album bound together by multi-part songs, interludes and reprises, and the vast arrangements which are customary of the Arcade Fire have been dialed back, but certainly not eliminated. The Arcade Fire have found a way to do more with less, and the result is an album which is as easy-going as it is ambitious. One of the great victories of this album is that it is infinitely listenable; the absence of anthemic peaks seems to be counterbalanced by an absence of forlorn and foreboding valleys. This is an album caught somewhere in between, bridging the gap between bright lights and barren fields. At the moment of my writing, its title seems very apt indeed.

And so what of the eponymous suburbs? Is this a complaint or a celebration? Need it necessarily be one or the other? I think you can guess my answer to at least that last question: no. This is neither complaint nor celebration, at least not exclusively. It plays most convincingly like a memoir from which one can draw their own conclusions. In this it once again treads that middle ground, neither overtly positive nor negative; but always, in subtle ways, both. There is still the dread and foreboding which we have known throughout the band’s recording career, but it seems in this case that instead of embracing those themes with open arms and sinking beneath them, The Suburbs keeps moving on, looking forward, at ease with the knowledge that those themes trail behind, but unwilling to keep dallying in their attentions.

Somehow, the Arcade Fire have found a way to make the smallest stones cause the biggest splashes. This is an album which relies on the minutae of its details to lend feeling – to describe which facets of which songs speak to me in particular would seem not only difficult and exhaustive but also quite probably redundant, as I would not expect that the same subtleties which appeal to me would necessarily appeal to you. This doesn’t seem like an album which will change your life, or the way you will appreciate music. It doesn’t seem like one of those cultural bombshells which fall into the world and create immediately apparent waves of change. Both of The Arcade Fire’s previous albums seemed to be striving towards that sort of impact; I cannot say or possibly claim to know definitively whether they failed or succeeded. What I do know is that The Suburbs does not seem to strive towards any such impact, and it is precisely because of this that it may be the bands greatest artistic success to date.

Stand outs: The Suburbs, Rococo, We Used to Wait, Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

The Bottom Line: The Arcade Fire’s most likeable and listenable album to date. Unless you’re someone who just listens for the singles, in which case you’re probably wasting your time. But for the rest of us, utterly worth it. A.

So wrong – and yet so right.

Perhaps the most interesting news story which has transpired in this past week is that French striker and IRA public enemy #1 Thierry Henry has left Barcelona and will be plying his trade next season at no less a club than New York Red Bulls. Yes, Henry has joined the MLS and the least-subtly sponsored squad of all time, bringing his big name and big talent stateside in a deal that will hopefully be more successful than Beckham’s garner some interest in the league. Barça meanwhile have made a move of their own, snapping up Brazilian fullback and utility man Adriano from Sevilla, while continuing to whinge that Arsenal are being unfair and pine for Cesc Fàbregas to come home to Catalunya.

Real Madrid seem to be chasing everyone these days, from Germany star Sami Khedira to Patrice Evra to Ricardo Carvalho, along with persistent rumours regarding Inter’s Douglas Maicon. Speaking of Inter, who have just the worst away kits next season, they’ve added a third Italian to their ranks by picking up half of Andrea Ranocchia’s ownership from AS Bari. Unfortunately it’s not possible for Inter to have that many Italians on their books, and since Marco Materazzi intends to retire never, it looks like ill-tempered starlet Mario Balotelli is on his way out, his agent having arrived in Manchester to talk up a deal with Roberto Mancini’s Manchester City. It’s possible that he ran into Klaas-Jan Huntelaar on the flight from Milan; the Dutchman was also rumoured to be in the England’s rainy north to offer his services to either of the Mancunian squads.

From Blue to Red with the wave of a pocketbook. Just kidding – mostly.

Speaking of the English north, new Liverpool gaffer Roy Hodgson has singled out Swiss defender Philipp Degen as the most useless player in his newly-inherited squad, politely informing that he had no use for him and suggesting that he bugger off as fast and far as he can. Danny Wilson of Rangers FC will be filling one of the squad’s vacant spots if he passes a Liverpool medical today (if Aquilani passed, you’ll have no problems Danny boy). Joe Cole, meanwhile, will be making the trip up from London to settle in at his new home on the Merseyside after signing with Liverpool on a Bosman transfer. Coley insists that it was the search for playing time and not a cash grab which inspired him to move to the Reds, but his pay-stubs will make a convincing argument otherwise. This is the second Red-Blue swap of the season after Yossi Benayoun headed south to the greener pastures of Ancelotti’s Chelsea earlier in the summer. While we’re in London we might as well check on Arsenal’s Eduardo in the departures terminal at Heathrow , trying to make out the cyrillic writing on his plane ticket as he departs for the Ukraine. The Brazilian/Croatian striker has officially sealed his move to Shaktar Donetsk – expect him to fall off nearly everyone’s radar as soon as the ink is dry on the deal.

Speaking of ink, AS Roma’s out-of-favour-and-form striker Julio Baptista might be on his way to sunny Piraeus after his agent penned a meeting with Greek side Olympiakos into his no-doubt bustling schedule. Fingers crossed, people. While we’re on the topic of useless Brazilians, I might mention that Roma’s 15th keeper Artur has moved to Sporting Braga on a free transfer. Roma also continue to pine for Inter defender and former loanee Nicolas Burdisso, despite his ridiculous price tag; young defender Marco Andreolli was reported to have said “well fine then,” and begun negotiating a loan deal with newly-promoted Lecce.

"Start in Bari or ride the pine in Torino? Hmmm."

Moving towards the south of Italy, Serie A’s other Pugliese side, AS Bari, still look like prime candidates to sign Juventus’ Sebastian Giovinco as they hope to remain one of Italy’s paciest and most exciting attack forces. On the other side of the boot, Neapolitans will be rejoicing this week – after their transfer campaign got off to a slow start, club president Aurelio De Laurentiis completed the brilliant feat of snapping up Palermo’s Edinson Cavani on loan, with a €16 million option to buy him at the end of the loan period. There’re also reports that Napoli are interested in importing Lucas Barrios from Germany, but whether that move transpires or not remains to be seen.

So we head north to Deutschland to wrap up this round up, just in time to see Hamburg’s young Swede Marcus Berg depart for the Netherlands, where he will be joining PSV on loan. He narrowly missed Heiko Westermann, heading into Hamburg from Schalke 04 to shore up the defense for the season ahead. Further south in Bavaria, Bayern Münich manager Louis van Gaal stated recently that he had yet to see the best of Franck Ribéry on the pitch, but it is seeming unlikely that he will any time soon, as the French winger has apparently been charged with soliciting 17-year old prostitute Zahia Dehar (can you blame him?) and faces up to 3 years in jail. While Franck faces hard time, VfL Wolfsburg continue to play hard ball regarding their striker Edin Dzeko, quoting a €40 million price tag to Juventus while inexplicably expressing interest in the securing services of Vincenzo Iaquinta. And finally, everyone – everyone – wants Mesut Özil.

"Wer? Ich?"

]]> http://apintofthebitter.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/transfer-round-up-yee-haw/feed/ 0 Justin Thierry Henry practices on the Jersey Shore. Hodgson and Coley celebrate their blissful union. La formica atomica at the Beijing Olympics. 2ö1ö http://apintofthebitter.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/hadouken/ http://apintofthebitter.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/hadouken/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2010 05:51:06 +0000 Justin http://apintofthebitter.wordpress.com/?p=1969 ]]> Or, y’know, whatever the Dutch equivalent is.

Not quite as bad as the headbutt felt ’round the world 4 years ago, but still pretty entertaining stuff – and indicative of the brutish mentality the Dutch adopted for the night of the final.

Soccer City was the stage for this final, historic match.

Spain are World Cup champions! South Africa 2010 has drawn to a close and it is la Furia Roja who emerge victorious for the first time in their nation’s history. It was an historic if not classic occasion in Johannesburg’s Soccer City Stadium as España squared off against their  fellow never-wons the Netherlands and were able to squeak out a 1-0 victory after extra time.

The match began amidst much fanfare, but was never allowed to really come into its own – both teams lined up in similar formations (variations of the general 4-2-3-1 shape) and after Spain got off to the more positive start, the rhythm of the match was ground to a halt by what was essentially spoiler tactics from the Dutch. Looking to get into the faces of the Spanish players and break up their ‘tiki taka’ passing, they pressed physically, flying into crunching and cynical tackles and fouls. This took its toll on Spain’s fluidity of movement and reduced their options going forward, but their own constant pressing meant that even when the Dutch broke up the play they were unable to launch an effective counterattack. Another side effect of the negative play from the Dutch was that every player in the starting XI for the Oranje except Wesley Sneijder and Dirk Kuyt were booked – Nigel de Jong and Mark van Bommel each could have been easily sent off within the first half alone, while John Heitinga would be the only Dutchman to actually receive his marching orders, though not until a.e.t.

The second half was far more successful for the Dutch than the first; the introduction of Eljero Elia meant that they had an out-and-out attacking winger on the left-hand side and were able to launch their counterattacks much more effectively. On 62′ Arjen Robben should have made it 1-0 to the good for his side, but his effort when alone in front of the Spanish goal was weak and Iker Casillas, falling the wrong way, was able to get a toe on it and redirect it away from his gaping goal-mouth. After 90 minutes the scoreline was still level and the two sides, with penalties no doubt looming large in their minds, headed into extra time.

Iniesta's penchant for late winners is equalled only by his flair for homemade t-shirts.

It was in extra time that the Dutch began to falter. While the pace of Robben and the vision of Sneijder were always a threat, Bert van Marwijk’s side were unused to the physical style of pressing which they had been employing throughout the match and found themselves no longer able to close down the Spanish play effectively. John Heitinga’s sending off in the 110th minute surely put the sick smell of doom into Dutch nostrils and with 2 minutes left to play in the second period of extra time, it was Andres Iniesta who dealt the killing blow to the Oranje. Cesc Fàbregas crossed in to the diminutive midfielder from the left and in miles of space (it seemed) Don Andres’ emphatic half-volley blew past Maarten Stekelenberg and gave la Furia Roja a firm grip on the golden trophy.

The final minutes flew by; suddenly, Spain were world champions while the Dutch could only look on through teary eyes. Spain were deserving victors in this World Cup, committed to positive and fluid play – even if, ironically, they have now become the lowest-scoring World Cup winners of all time with only 8 goals. The Dutch will blame English referee Howard Webb for their poor showing in Soweto, but in the end it was their physical and negative tactics, the abandonment of the totalvoetbal values that have defined the Dutch game since the time of Johann Cruyff, (as well as that ongoing tendency to fall apart on the biggest stages) which was their ultimate undoing. The best team won, simply, and so the Dutch will go home with nothing, even less than non-finalists Diego Forlán and Thomas Müller, who have picked up the Golden Ball and the Golden Boot and Best Young Player awards, respectively. And now it’s all over: crowds will pour out of South Africa, onto planes and back to their places of origin. Teams too, will board private jets and scoot back home in time for club training camps. In the end all that will be left are the stadiums, monuments to the World Cup that was in 2010 – forever ringing with the buzz of the Vuvuzelas.

Uruguayan fans thank Suarez for passage to the semi-finals.

Well, the quarter finals and the semis have come and gone in what seems like a flash and, suddenly, we find ourselves with only two teams and one (relevant) match remaining. Unfortunately, my schedule meant that I missed much of the quarterfinal play, but what we had was Uruguay beating Ghana through handballs and penalty kicks, the Netherlands upsetting Brazil with some help from a self-destructing Felipe Melo, Germany trampling Argentina and Spain killing off Paraguay. In the process of those matches, Uruguay’s Luis Suarez picked up a red card (for his intentional goal-line handball) and Germany’s Thomas Müller picked up his second yellow of the tournament – both young stars would miss their nations’ semi-final matches. The semi-final stage was set: Uruguay v. the Netherlands and Germany v. Spain.

Uruguay and the Netherlands got off in the best possible manner for the Dutch, when an absolute screamer from the boot of Giovanni van Bronckhorst sailed into Fernando Muslera’s goal from a range of about 30 yards. Diego Forlán was unwilling to see his side bow out so easily, however, and when he was given space by the Dutch defense he released a swerving rocket of his own which Maarten Stekelenberg maybe should have saved, but was never going to save. Thus, on the stroke of halftime we had a tie game at 1-1.

Muslera was powerless to stop van Bronckhorst's laser-beam strike.

At halftime, Bert van Marwijk made a bold move, pulling off defensive midfielder Demy de Zeeuw and throwing on another attacker in the form of Rafael van der Vaart. This paid off when the Dutch seemingly killed off the match with 20 minutes left on the clock – first a deflected Wesley Sneijder shot was allowed despite the offside and involved presence of Robin van Persie, then Arjen Robben scored a rare headed goal to make it 3-1 by the 73rd minute. To their credit though, the South Americans refused to give up and continued to chase the game even after the withdrawal of hero Forlán to the bench. Maximiliano Pereira scored in the dying seconds of the match to bring the score to 3-2, but his side were unable to push the Oranje into extra time. The Dutch would go through and become South Africa 2010′s first World Cup finalists, where they will meet…

Puyol was Spain's unlikely offensive contributor on the night.

Spain, who finally proved their mettle against a faltering German side. Joachim Löw made the bold gamble of conceding possession to the Spanish and continuing to wait for the quick breaks, but with Sergi Busquets, Xavi and Xabi Alonso stifling Mesut Özil and Bastian Schweinsteiger in the middle and in the absence of Thomas Müller out wide, the counterattacks never really took off. Meanwhile, Spain barely looked the more likely candidates to go ahead, creating few opportunities despite bossing possession. David Villa drifted in and out of the match and Spain’s true stars (alongside their defensive midfielders) were Andres Iniesta and Sergio Ramos, the pair who seemed most likely to be behind a Spanish breakthrough. It was a fluid and clean match, with not a single card being handed out by the Hungarian official, but its only goal came from an unlikely source. The goal was unlikely for two reasons: (1) Spain are praised for their fluid, attacking play (2) and criticized for their reliance on David Villa. I probably wasn’t the only one surprised, therefore, when Carles Puyol ghosted into the box to nod the ball into the net off of a corner kick. Like most of the matches they have played in this tournament, once Spain went ahead they never looked like conceding. Germany’s best chance game through young substitute Toni Kroos, thrown on along with the likes of Mario Gomez to search for the equalizer to no avail. Germany had far and away been the best team so far in the tournament, but their plan backfired and they were far from the best team of the evening.

Sunday evening in the Soweto district of Johannesburg, history will be made. The Netherlands and Spain have long been known as two of the best nations in the world never to take home the gold trophy – neither have ever won a World Cup in the tournament’s history – but one is about to.

Prandelli was happy to be there, and the press were happy to have him.

Firstly, changes of management. Two managers stepped into new and vastly important roles today: one in charge of the Italian national team, the other in charge of Liverpool FC. Everyone who follows Italian football knew that Marcello Lippi was on his way out after this World Cup and for the past few months we’ve also known that Cesare Prandelli, who plied his trade with ACF Fiorentina last season, was set to replace him. Today the FIGC unveiled the new manager of the Azzurri with his first official press conference. It went rather well, with Prandelli providing earnest and positive answers to the questions posed to him. We’ll get a glimpse of his Azzurri when they play Côte D’Ivoire at Craven Cottage next month.

The smile that'll win over the Kop? I think he's the right man for the job.

Speaking of Craven Cottage, Fulham FC’s directors will be on the search for a new manager, as the man who took them to the Europa League final has moved North. 62-year old Roy Hodgson will be taking the reigns at Liverpool this summer after Rafa Benitez’s departure to Inter Milan, who replaced Jose Mourinho after his departure to Real Madrid, who replaced Manuel Pellegrini who was just sacked (expect Pellegrini to be taking over at Fulham any day now, if the footballing gods have any sense of irony). The Reds will look to benefit from Hodgon’s stable and effective tactical style, while his man-managing skills and transfer-market savvy can be no worse than his predecessor’s. While he’s no flashy superstar, Itend to believe that Hodgson will end up being a big hit with the Kop if he brings Liverpool the kind of success (relative to their stature) which he brought to Fulham.

And then there were players. In England, Manchester City completed their swoop for Spanish wizard David Silva, picking him up from Valencia for a reported €26 million. Los Che have fortified their ranks in turn with Tino Costa, a €6 million Argentine from Montpellier. On the Italian peninsula, word on the street is that Juventus’ Sebastian Giovinco could be on his way out of the club, with AS Bari seeming a likely candidate; meanwhile, Leonardo Bonucci has already made his transfer in the opposite direction official. Luca Toni was unveiled as a player for Genoa CFC today after being released from his Bayern Münich contract this summer.

That’s about it for now, but expect more news to pop up as the World Cup approaches its final phases.

Gyan's supreme effort left the States in a shambles.

Uruguay defeated South Korea, thanks in large part to a redonculous curled-in goal from Luis Suarez that gave the South Americans the edge in a 2-1 victory. Ghana meanwhile squeaked past the United States a.e.t. (after extra time). Kevin Prince-Boateng gave the Black Stars a very early lead after slotting past Tim Howard in only the 5th minute as the Americans had yet another awful first half. Landon Donovan would rescue his nation yet again with a penalty goal on 62′, but in only the 3rd minute of added time, a long ball found Asamoah Gyan, who brought it down spectacularly, fought off two defenders and killed the American dream with a stroke of his boot. Ghana win 2-1 and go on to face Uruguay in the quarter-finals.

Argentina thumped Mexico, with an offside (allowed) goal coming early from Carlos Tevez, a horrific defensive error gifting Gonzalo Higuaín a second and a Tevez Jabulani-rocket scorching the back of the net for a third. Javier Hernandez bagged a consolation goal for El Tri and Mexico played a spirited game, but fortune favoured Diego Maradona, and his side saw out the end of the game comfortably for a 3-1 win. The biggest story in the England-Germany game was Frank Lampard’s perfectly good goal just before the half which the linesman didn’t see cross the goalline. Germany had taken the lead through Miroslav Klose and doubled it through Lucas Podolski before Matthew Upson headed in to make it 2-1. Lampard’s goal would have tied the game, but without it England were forced to commit too many men forward and were punished by Thomas Müller on the counterattack. Twice. Germany went on to win 4-1 and are set to meet Argentina in the quarters, which drew a sly smile out of German chancellor Angela Merkel, watching the game from Toronto with British P.M. David Cameron:

The Netherlands looked comfortable against Slovakia, with Arjen Robben putting his side ahead early through a trademark strike on 18′. They then took a strangle-hold with precision passing and careful possesion. Wesley Sneijder made it 2-0 with less than 10 minutes left in the match before the Dutch gave up a soft penalty in extra time, which Robert Vittek buried to make the scoreline seem closer than it was. 2-1 to the Dutch, but kudos to the Slovak-Attak, who played with a lot of guts. The same praise could go to Chile, who for the first half hour really took the match to titans Brazil, pinning them back and pouring on the pressure. It took a set piece goal from AS Roma defender Juan for the Brazilians to break through, before Luis Fabiano added a second just minutes later. Unfortunately, the Chilean spirit was broken by this one-two punch and Robinho would add a third in the second half to make the final score 3-0. Hopefully Brazil can apply the same measure of thrashing to the Oranje, whom they face in their quarterfinal match-up.

Japan and Paraguay couldn’t manage to find the goals in normal time or even a.e.t., so theirs became the first match of the tournament to go to penalty kicks. Yuichi Komano will henceforth be a household name in Japan, but for all the wrong reasons; he recorded the sole miss from either side in the penalty shoot-out, crashing his shot off of the crossbar as Japan crashed out of South Africa. Paraguay will go on to face Spain, who edged out an aimless Portugal thanks to some handy substitutions from Vincent del Bosque. Starter David Villa would score the lone goal of the match, but only after Fernando Llorente was brought on for Fernando Torres. Llorente’s hold-up play would change the match, and while Cristiano Ronaldo was left stranded as lone striker by Carlos Queiroz’s substitions, Spain’s attack finally found the link-up they needed and saw the game out comfortably. Spain will be confident of reaching the semi-finals, while Cristiano Ronaldo showed himself to be a rather poor loser by spitting at a cameraman after the match. Temper, temper!

Hopefully the quarters will be loogie-free without CR7.

In this case, a picture is worth as many words as it would take to review the performance of Italy in South Africa.