A Pint of the Black Stuff, Barkeep

Sex. Symbol.

In honour of the international break I’d like to contribute another article about a whole lot of nothing much. You may have read the title of this article and thought immediately of the two people whose name make it up. I’d imagine your next thought would be: “What the hell do Sven-Göran Eriksson and Carmen Electra have to do with one another?” Well, not a whole lot. Other than their obvious status as sex symbols in their respective nations (heh), the only rather tenuous tie that these two share is their penchant for …interesting decisions. You only have to look at Ms. Electra’s ex-husbands in Dennis Rodman and Dave Navarro, as well as her string of cameo appearances in mediocre-to-terrible movies to know that her decision making skills aren’t exactly up to snuff. Meanwhile, Sven’s recent stints at Manchester City and in charge of the Mexican National team have left many shaking their heads – and in the case of the Mexicans, left angry fans shaking their fists. Sven was sacked after winning just one of his last seven competitive fixtures and a rally 30,000 strong was held in honour of his departure. Nowadays Svennis is director of football at Notts County Football Club, a team playing in League Two of the English Coca Cola Championship (and a comparative minnow for a man who has managed teams such as Roma, England and Benfica). But apparently, that too, is to be short-lived.

She rated very highly on the strokeability scale.

This article was inspired by a report I came across – on the ever-reliable Goal.com – which asserted that Sven is currently in talks to take charge of the North Korean squad for the 2010 World Cup. I immediately thought: “Wow, that guy gets around,” and Svennis Electra was born. It’s not that I don’t like Sven – or Carmen – how could one not love puppet-Sven as Jose Mourinho’s sidekick on I’m on Setanta Sports or Carmen Electra’s cameo in Good Burger, before she totally wore out the premise by doing the same thing 192,000 more times in every movie who could afford her cleavage? You can say that you didn’t love them, but I say that you sir, are a liar.

The thing is, Carmen, Sven; I gotta ask you guys – what the hell are you thinking? You’ve both got so much to offer, so why do you keep selling yourselves short? I mean come on Svenny; Notts County? North Korea? You can do better than that – you know you can. And as for you, Carmen? Your wikipedia page tells me that the next film you’re scheduled to appear in is called Mardi Gras - and if I had to guess I’d say it wasn’t going to be an arthouse film.

It’s strange that the two of you have so much in common; and even more strange that I couldn’t find someone more similar to compare to the 61-year old Swedish manager of Notts County FC. Wait a minute. Receding hairline; poor judgement – why didn’t I see it before? There’s only one man in Hollywood with a track record that erratic – Nicolas Cage! I’ve missed a perfectly good opportunity to talk about football while at the same time mocking the career of Nic Cage! Has my own judgement grown so poor? It seems that the Sven, Nic and Carmen form an unholy trinity of bad judgement – and it’s contagious. I’m going to abort this article before my own judgement gets any worse. In the meantime, friends - Forza Svennis!

This is really a much better comparison.